How To Practice Forgiveness

 Hi there everyone! 

Welcome to HAPPY DAYS Podcast - I am Kelly Ward - Your host 

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I am super excited to be hanging out with you today - Happy Wednesday!

So today I wanted to speak about How To Practice Forgiveness. The reason I decided to speak about forgiveness today was because this is something that we need to learn to do often otherwise we will always hold ourselves back and unforgiveness will always control us and affect all areas of our lives. I love creating these podcast episodes so much because I learn from these conversations too and I hope that these topics every week inspire you in a positive way and if you would like me to discuss any specific topic - feel free to leave a comment down below, I am always keen to hear your feedback. So today I am going to help guide you to practice more forgiveness towards others and also to yourself, so that you can ease the heavy weight of feeling resentful, sad or angry and opening yourself up to experiencing more freedom in your life. Remember unforgiveness keeps them in control, so take your power back. 

So when I was younger and even throughout my life, I have made my fair share of mistakes and poor decisions, I am not going to speak to you today and pretend that I am perfect and that I have made no mistakes, we all make mistakes, because without mistakes, how do we learn and grow as human beings. With those mistakes - came feelings of deeper regret, shame, guilt and deep sadness. When we make mistakes in our lives or we have been wronged by someone in our life, we carry this emotional weight around that holds us back from moving forward in our lives. We also sometimes allow our mistakes in our lives to define us, and I can say for myself that when I make a mistake - it can be very hard for me to forgive myself because I have a huge conscience and I feel things very deeply, so I feel instant guilt and it does hold me back mentally. The thing about me is that I enjoy learning and I also enjoy constantly improving myself, so the person I was yesterday, is not the person I am today because I am so focused on growing, improving myself and also becoming a better human being so that I can potentially help others. So sometimes when I reflect and look back on my life or past experiences, I almost judge myself in a way and surround those past mistakes in a layer of shame and guilt, and what I have come to realize is that - you can't hate on yourself for the person you used to be or the mistakes you have made in your life, you cannot remain stuck in the past, because it does hold you back and when you hold yourself back and give in to self judgement and negative self talk, it definitely dims your light and stops you from becoming the person you strive to be. So learning the art of forgiveness is super important because in order to move forward in your life, you can't do that when you are holding onto resentment. You simply won't be able to truly move forward and be happy in your life holding tightly onto negative emotions. 

The true secret to actually practicing forgiveness in your life, is by firstly taking time to reflect on your mistakes, find the lesson in that experience and this will actually help you to let go of the emotional weight that you continue to carry in your life. You need to look at yourself with more compassion, understanding and love. In order to actually do this, you need to really learn more about yourself, because the first step to self acceptance in your life, is by actually making the effort to understand yourself, and what is so interesting is that, we spend our entire lives with ourselves, however sometimes we don't even know ourselves well enough or we tend to hate who we are, instead of actually focusing on learning more about ourselves, identifying the parts we don't like and then finding ways to improve ourselves. So when I was very young, my parents parted ways and what we don't realize and what studies have shown is that children whose parents are no longer together or have gotten divorced were actually more likely to struggle academically, have a low self esteem and also suffer from social and emotional problems. So the point I am trying to make is that as we get older, subconsciously, we are actually struggling with deeper emotional issues and that adds to limiting beliefs we have about ourselves that perhaps stem from our childhood and as we go along in life, we try and find ways to stop feeling that discomfort and we basically suppress our emotions to deal with things and in the end, that will not help you. That stuff holds you back. So instead of placing blame on the cards you were dealt with in life or blaming people in your life, you now in this moment, have the power to begin improving your own life, taking ownership of your mistakes, your problems and your own mindset instead of constantly focusing on the past, start to focus on the journey of healing yourself and becoming better. If you know that you have low self esteem from your childhood or you struggle with negative self talk, or you perhaps don't trust people easily, instead of focusing on that problem or playing the victim, why not identify the root of where that issue comes from, and then focus your attention on working through that and improving yourself and your life. If we constantly focus on all of the problems that we have, we are not truly living and I don't know about you, but I want to make the most out of life because the opportunities I have been afforded, the strength I have gained from hard times in my life has provided a stepping stone for me to really contribute something positive to the world. So instead of keeping your head down your entire life, suppressing how you feel, giving into constant negative self talk and making up excuses on why you cannot change your life, keep pushing, keep going and start to take the first step to letting go of emotional baggage holding you back, keep moving forward.

Understanding that mistakes are part of our own personal journey is the first step actually practicing self forgiveness and not allowing that emotional weight of your past mistakes to define you because they don't. Don't destroy your own self worth because of your mistakes. The reason why I like to share with you small parts of my journey is to help you understand that if I have been through something difficult in my life or if I have felt what you are feeling now in my life and I have found a way to work through it and grow from that experience - then it is possible for you too. Healing does take time but if you cannot forgive yourself and others, then you will constantly be stuck in the same moment where you were hurt for your entire life. I have been hurt by many people on my journey and it sucks because it really hurts you to the core and it makes you question yourself and judge yourself, but if you don't forgive that person - you are the only one who is going to suffer your entire life. It is not a nice feeling to fee resentment or anger towards someone else or towards yourself. Its a toxic feeling that you need to begin healing. So what can you do to actually let go of the emotional weight from past experiences and mistakes?

Well...

Start by actually writing down the mistake you made or the experience that you've been through, when you write things down, you give those words power and then you are able to become aware of your emotions and also the issue that is mentally holding you back. Once you write it down, write down the emotions that you feel, thinking about that moment in your life and how it makes you feel. Once that has been written down, start to imagine the person you would be and all the positive emotions you would feel, if you were not carrying around that emotional weight. When you start to open your mind up to the idea that your ideal reality in life is achievable and that you will feel so much happier on the other side of pain and mental suffering, your mindset will shift because you are now focusing on becoming that person you want to be, who is happier and who feels much lighter after letting go of those negative feelings and thoughts. This will give you a boost, to start forgiving yourself and instead of focusing all of your energy on that past mistake or experience, you are now able to have the person you want to be - in your mind to focus on achieving and that starts with working through and letting go of your negative emotions attached to a negative time in your life and also allowing yourself to now focus on the solution and how you are going to get back up again. When you understand that you are capable of overcoming any obstacle you may face in your life, you can start the process of forgiving yourself and others, because a major part of being able to move forward in life, is by practicing forgiveness. I still struggle with it myself, especially when it comes to forgiving others who have hurt me, because I know that I am a caring person and when someone hurts you - it truly affects you mentally so overcoming that mental block is hard but it is worth it in the end for your emotional well-being. If you are struggling to deal with certain emotions or you need more help, don't be afraid to seek professional help and go for therapy. Therapy is a positive thing so don't be afraid to ask for help, you are not alone. 

The 7 steps of forgiveness are:

1. Acknowledge the hurt you have experienced. 

2. Understand and identify how the hurt and pain has affected you.

3. Accept that you cannot change the past however you can take the steps to improve the present.

4. Ask yourself - 'Am I ready to forgive or not?' You need to consciously want to take the step to forgive and you need to mentally be ready to do that otherwise just saying it, won't change anything and subconsciously you will still be affected. 

5. Start the repairing process. What I suggest is start with saying positive, loving affirmations every morning and every night. Start building up your mindset and your self worth. 

6. Learn from that experience or the mistakes that you have made in your life. 

7. Forgive yourself and forgive others. Don't allow these negative feelings to hold you back from achieving your full potential. 

I hope you enjoyed hanging out with me today and I hope this has inspired you to practice more forgiveness in your life and to focus on creating a happier and more fulfilling life for yourself. 

I am giving away FREE HAPPY DAYS merch - so feel free to click the link in the episode bio and we will send you our brand NEW HAPPY DAYS cap. 

I wish everyone a fantastic week ahead! I love you all.

Goodbye :)