The Power Of Self Talk

 Hi everyone! Welcome to HAPPY DAYS Podcast - I am Kelly Ward - Your host

I am super excited to be hanging out with you today - so happy Wednesday! I hope you are having a magical week. 

Before we get started if you are listening on Apple Podcasts - click that subscribe button and if you are listening on Spotify - click that follow button and also don't forget to comment down below. 

Alright so today I will be speaking about negative self talk, which is something most of us are guilty of, I know I am. Not knowing how to deal with negative self and how to overcome negative self talk can lead you down a dark place and basically stops you from actually living your life and achieving anything. Constant negative self talk can be so damaging to your mental health and I am so happy that the conversation of mental health is a topic we are constantly speaking about today in the world because it is a real issue and if we close our eyes to it and hope it goes away instead of dealing with it, how will we ever overcome it? I recently had an audition that I did and I was so excited, and for those of you know don't know, I've had a passion for acting ever since I was a little girl, I love plays and films and I have always loved art when I was younger, I basically enjoy telling a story through playing a character and it helps me explore parts of myself, it opens my perspective to the world and the experiences of others and it truly makes me happy. I love any form of art whether its music, acting, poetry, paintings and the list goes on, because it is a true form of expression and I feel everyone should express themselves because it is a freeing moment when you can be yourself. Okay so back to my feelings about the audition - so I was obviously super excited about it but then that negative inner voice comes out telling me that I am not going to get it, what makes me special, what makes me worthy of getting this role, you are going to make a fool of yourself, you are not that good and so forth. 

So basically that negative self talk that we sometimes encourage because as humans we tend to always focus on the negative - so those negative thought patterns end up consuming our lives and sometimes stops us from moving forward. The thing about being an actor is that it also comes with a lot of rejection - you could hear a million no's and then that one yes could be the opportunity you have been waiting for and working towards. So it teaches you a lot about dealing with rejection and dealing with people telling you that you aren't good enough, or you aren't the right fit and you need to really believe in yourself and your abilities, you really need to have a passion for it, because if you don't - you won't last and in anything in life, without persistence, without perseverance, without passion and without strong will - you will not reach your dreams because you are allowing negativity to hold you back. So that is my life lesson for today *laugh* If you really want something in life and it makes you truly happy, you need to make the effort to really train your brain to focus on the good, obviously be aware of reality and have a back up plan but never give up on your dreams and never allow yourself or any person to stop you from achieving your dreams. Nothing is unattainable and you need to believe that, you need to let go of those limiting beliefs you have about yourself and the world. 

When I was growing up, I was very shy, very quiet and a natural people pleaser. If I could give my younger self any advice, I would tell her to stand up for yourself more and don't care so much about what other people think of you. I have always had big dreams for myself, I just didn't believe in myself enough to pursue it and in school, everyone gets put into a box of who you should be and even growing up I was always put into a box and in the end, you allow that to define who you are, instead of doing what makes you happy. In school I allowed myself to be put in a box, I stopped myself from seeking opportunities I wanted because I was afraid of people making fun of me or judging me and that stopped me from being happy because I wasn't allowing myself to try and go after what I wanted. So if you are listening and you are at a cross roads where you are thinking - do I go after my dreams or should I play it safe and listen to what people are saying. If you don't try and go for it, you will regret it. Whether you fail or not, you never lose, because you either WIN or your LEARN. I dislike being put in a box and I won't allow it because what is important is my happiness and not the opinions of others. When you have the courage to go after your dreams, some people may be intimidated by that because they have their own insecurities and they project that onto you, and no one is going to tell you to your face that I am intimidated by you because you actually have the courage to go after what makes you happy and I don't. Nope they won't tell you that, instead people will try and bring you down and keep you down, so you really need to also surround yourself with people who truly want the best for you and who support you. Those are the special individuals who will always be there for you. 

So what is negative self talk?

Well basically negative self talk is the inner dialogue you have with yourself that limits you from believing in yourself and your own abilities. It stops you from reaching your potential and it also stops you from making positive changes in your life because it kills your self confidence and without self confidence, you won't have the belief in yourself to carry yourself through failure and success. So that is why I am so excited to discuss this with you today because you need be more aware of your own negative self talk so that you can actively take the necessary steps to change it and improve your life. By actually putting negative thoughts into perspective, you gain more clarity on what you need to work on in order to become mentally stronger. 

So there are 3 types of self talk. 

- Positive 

- Negative

- Instructional

So many of us don't actually know this and I want to discuss what each actually means. So positive self talk improves your attitude, energy and the effort you make in your life, negative self talk encourages anxiety, fear and self-doubt, while instructional self talk basically consists of guiding ourselves through a specific task for example learning a new skill. Choosing one of those could be the difference between having success in your life or constantly allowing defeat into your life. So right now, be more mindful of your own inner monologue and ask yourself - what do I say to myself when I am facing a challenge? and how do I talk to myself on a daily basis? What words do I use? 

So lets discuss how to stop negative self talk in your life. Life is filled with obstacles that are outside of our control, therefore when you are facing a challenge, you can only focus on what you can control to work through it and that would be - your behavior, which is your response to it, your mindset and your thoughts. So lets speak about ways on how to stop negative self talk in it's tracks. 

Firstly breathe. Take a deep breath, a few if needed. So often we beat ourselves up because we are feeling overwhelmed and stressed out and our self esteem feels so low. So in those moments of self doubt and stress, we need to take a minute and breathe. This helps to slow down your heart rate that keeps increasing and you can find some calmness and clarity through the chaos. If you begin to think negative thoughts and you find yourself overwhelmed, take a moment and just breathe. 

Learn to acknowledge when you are starting to think negatively and that negative inner voice is starting up, be aware of it. The key is to acknowledge this pattern before you can confront it. It sometimes can be very hard to admit that you have doubts about yourself and your life, however in order to create a positive change and to be actually confront what is holding you back, you need to first acknowledge it. What I suggest doing next is identifying the root cause of your negative self talk. Where are these thoughts coming from? Are you afraid? Are you experiencing self doubt? Have you failed many times and now you just don't have the energy to get back up again? Are you feeling depressed? Why are these thoughts constantly coming up and why are they holding you back? So take a moment and actually try and identify where these thoughts come from and then confront them. For example if you are experiencing moments of self doubt, literally tell yourself that everyone fails and that you cannot be hard on yourself for failing. Its a lesson for you to only improve you and you will be stronger and you cannot allow that to actually hold you back from achieving something great in your life. By confronting the root of the thought and understanding why you feel this way, you are able to silence those thoughts and no longer give them power. 

Alright so the next thing is stop expecting perfection from yourself. Don't expect perfection when no one is perfect. When you understand that flaws and failure are part of life, you begin to open yourself up to changing your perspective. Once you start to embrace them you are able to move forward despite them. This basically makes you happier and also more confident in yourself. Surround yourself with positivity. I know that we cannot be positive and happy all the time, however happiness and positivity is a state of mind that is achievable - we all have those terrible days however around the corner are those beautiful, happy days. So whether you are going through a difficult time or there is a major obstacle in front of you, try and change your perspective and ask yourself - what am I going to learn from this experience? So surround yourself with things and people that motivate you and give you good energy. For example - play a podcast that inspires you, watch your favorite Youtuber or speaker that motivates you, watch a movie that makes you feel good, exercise, or simply call a friend or family member that knows exactly what to say when you are having a low moment to lift you up again. Find and know what improves your mood and helps your mindset so that you can use those to boost you up again. Be aware of the steps you need to take in order to change what does not serve you anymore. 

So something that I cannot stress enough is building a healthy routine for yourself. So basically when you have a routine for yourself, then your day takes less thought and energy, and the best way to actually work through negative thoughts is by having a routine where your day is planned out, you feel prepared, and this allows you to not have time to get stuck in your own head. So create a routine for yourself that will help you get your day started and also be able to put those negative thoughts aside and focus on what is important and what you want to achieve. 

You need to make a conscious choice to stop negative self talk before it takes over your mind and it can be very hard at first however nothing worth having or mastering comes easy. That is how life works, deal with it. You need to be able to counter act the negative self talk by breathing, surrounding yourself with positivity, reminding yourself that failure is part of life, learn from it and also do affirmations where you empower yourself every day to focus on improving and growing. The most important thing to remember is who you are becoming is more important than what you are accumulating or the perfection you are striving for. The very thing that makes life so beautiful is how imperfect it is. There is so much beauty in imperfection, in realness, rawness and being true to yourself. This is something I need to remind myself everyday. 

So when that negative self talk creeps in, I want you to try these simple steps. 

- Focus on the good. 

- Express gratitude for the good in your life. 

- Build other people up, compliment people often. 

- Focus on building self compassion towards yourself.

- Choose to bounce back from challenges, when you focus on that - you begin less doubtful about actually trying what you set out to achieve. 

- Work through your negative emotions, don't give them power, take back your control. Never bow your head down to a challenge, look it right in the face and work through it. 

- Practice more mindfulness in your life. Find ways to feel peace and joy in your life. 

So remember to confront the self critic in your head, trying to hold you back and remember that we are not our thoughts, we are only listening to them, so separate yourself from your thoughts and you can also do this by practicing meditation on a daily basis. I know you want to change your life and improve yourself every day - that is why you are listening to this podcast show, so give yourself more credit and find your strength again through the struggle. 

I hope this has inspired you and motivated you in a positive way. Thank you for hanging out with me and I wish you a beautiful week ahead! 

I love you :)

Goodbye :)